And then you came along.......

I've never been one to document my love life but for whatever reason at the moment I feel perhaps I should just type. At 21 I don't feel I am qualified to recite whole 'Been there, Done that' line but for the most of what I've experienced from Love and Relationships my reaction always remains Wow.

Sometimes, maybe when I'm on a bus or a train and that Mary J Blige song comes on, I begin to think and compare and then curse a bit then smile and eventually just change the track. It's funny I guess when one sits to think about the people that have caused the heart to skip a beat. The people that we could never imagine being apart from. The people that we wish will just one day reciprocate that feeling. The people that we wish will stop and think 'Why am I not with you?'. Its amazing when you think about the power that we posses as humans. The ability to crush another just from deciding not to be with them. The ability we have to put a smile on one's face. Love they say is beautiful. Personally I don't know If i'll say its all nice and dandy. Truth is Love is bitter-sweet. Take or leave.

But yeah, I've been in love. For while it lasted it was amazing (well the good times). The hard part isn't necessarily being in love, I believe it is departing from it. Departing from the knowledge that you have a bond with someone which you perhaps once thought was unbreakable. Stage 2 after departure, the ability to bring yourself out of heartbreak hotel and getting back into the real world. That part I think is funny. For me perhaps for 5 months I was a Man Hater. It's the one time that Kelis's 'I hate you so much right now' becomes an anthem to you. You find that the likes of Beyonce, Mary J Blige, Jennifer Hudson, Whitney Houston become the most played songs. But then after a while you snap out of it. You tell yourself, yes I am me again. I have moved on. I won't let anyone trample on me again and for a while yes this is the plan and you stick to it.

You progress in this plan, you throw yourself into your work disregarding any other being being overly affectionate towards you. You work hard at building back your confidence and perhaps taking it to an even higher level. You change your wardrobe, you (if you are like me) write poetry about how much you feel better about yourself and then you meet HIM. Yup that sucker that just has to be good looking and throws you the 'I like you a lot line' Then you have a dilemma. Shall I? Is it worth it? Am i ready for another cycle of love and tears (because at this point you've perhaps become slightly pessimistic towards the idea of relationships lasting long) Well I have to stop here and figure out the answer.............

xxx