IDK

How will I, How Can I

Song after song, playlists building 

An Image I refuse to erase 

That smile, Innocent but yet so damaging

My earth angel, shall I borrow the phrase?

Indeed I am just a fool, wising up after every wipe 

So near, yet so far. In every face I see, every face

Dress to Impress when I near there, you know where 

Please be mine, please come back 

At least visit me in my dream, let me hold you

I struggle to hold on to your face, but you're fading my dear

I prayed for this, this fade, but now I want your image back

Dangerously addicted to everything about you 

Your hug, your stab, our bitching, our laughing

What's the point, its ruined, there's nothing we can do

But then again, where there's life, there's hope

So darling, as long as I live, I'll keep hoping

Sunset Across The Niger (Chapter 9)

The journey lasted only 2 hours and before he knew it, Chidi was in the motor park with Brother John. As they walked past the crowded motor park, John explained how life was in Onitsha. He warned Chidi to always be careful with whom he spoke to and what he did with people as everyone only cared about personal benefit. “There is no friendship in Business” John said to him. As they approached the parked cars, Chidi noticed a slim, dark skinned beautiful woman run to John, he realised that this was John’s so much talked about girlfriend. “This is my brother I told you about Chidi” John said as the lady smiled at him. She was beautiful. “Chidi this is my wife to be Nonye” Nonye extended her hand to shake a very nervous Chidi. “My boy come here. Welcome to Onitsha!” Chidi thought to himself that this was a very nice woman. “Chidi you will go with Nonye eh I need to just rush to the shop for to check the books. I will see you later. As they got to the house, Chidi looked round his new home. “My friend! What are you looking at?” Nonye’s voice sounded harsh. This wasn’t the voice of the beautiful lady he had met at the motor park. “Bring your bags in quickly! You will sleep in that room over there and you must never eat in the sitting room. You eat in the kitchen are you hearing? Good. Also you will use this stainless steel plate and cup for your meals and never my breakable plates! If you can abide to these rules I might just be able to tolerate you around here.” With this she went into the living room and stretched her legs. Chidi went to his newly ‘assigned’ room. There was a mat that he was to roll up after using it to sleep at night. The room also had a ceiling fan, which looked like it needed a really good clean. There was also a cupboard that could just about contain Chidi’s clothes and body cream also his toothbrush. He was happy about the bathroom that was in his room although; at least he would not have to disturb Nonye if he ever needed to take a bath. After sleeping for about 4 hours, Chidi came out of his room. “Good evening Nonye I just woke up, can I please get something to eat?” Nonye gestured her hand to him towards the kitchen. He decided that he would stay out of her way as much as possible. He saw the plate of beans and plantain that awaited him in his plate. He filled his cup with some cold water and took his meal to his room. He would only be able to eat in there or in the kitchen. In his room, he opened the windows and switched the off the ceiling fan, He then rolled up his mat and sat on the floor and ate his meal. As he ate he thought about Amara and how he wished he had hugged her longer in the park before leaving; at least he saw her before leaving. After eating, he put on a pair of slippers and decided to explore the area, there was no way he was staying in with Nonye. He quickly rinsed out his plate and cup in the bathroom and kept them near his mat. He then combed out his hair and went to the sitting room; “Nonye I am going out to see what our area is like.” She turned towards him “At this time? Anyway, your brother would soon be back, just be careful oh! Be back on time” Chidi wondered why she sounded like she cared. The streets were filled with the noise of children playing “ten ten” and the air was pregnant with the smell the roast plantains being hawked by middle aged women. As Chidi strolled the streets of Azikiwe Lane, he thought about his mother, his family but mostly of Amara. What was she doing now? Was she thinking of him? Was she at the stream? He observed the cars that drove past him on the undone roads. He wondered why Nonye’s tone changed towards him as he left the house. “She must be crazy” he thought aloud. “Bros! Bros! Oh boy no be you I dey call!” Chidi turned round whoever it was that chose to disturb his thoughts. He saw a boy about his age but slightly taller than him walking briskly towards him one hand holding his crotch as he imitated the American way of “bouncing”. Finally his caller approached him; “How can I help you?” Chidi asked. “Oyibo! abeg I just noticed that you are a new face around here. Anyway my name is Ignatius. I live just there”, his hand gestured backwards. Chidi smiled with a face that pretended like it cared. Something about Ignatius struck him as he watched his lips utter words that he probably didn’t need to. Chidi’s eyes played the role of a scanner as observed Ignatius’ clothing. The boy wore a green shirt that looked that it needed a thorough wash. He had on a pair of trousers and a pair of sandals. His hair was combed but slightly parted at the side; it also had quite an unusual texture, one that had been relaxed. “Bros! U dey hear the thing wey I dey talk abi your mind dey for Kafanchan!” Chidi’s call back to reality. “Yes my name is Chidi, no be say I no dey speak broken, I fit oh! I am from Ukigwe but I have come to Onitsha to start an apprenticeship with my uncle. So what do you do for a living?” Ignatius laughed but it was not a cheerful one; “I speak perfectly good English my brother but when you stay around here, pidgin is the order of the day!” Both boys laughed. “I work with my brother who is a mechanic but my specialty is vulcanising. I hope to save enough from the little money I am earning to go to Lagos and achieve my dream. I hear that there the streets are paved with gold. So will you be staying alone? Oh and by the way if you need anything around the area Chiboy, just ask Iggy and I will be there!” Chidi slightly amazed by his new name, Chiboy agreed and before he knew it he was telling Ignatius about his dreams in life, Amara and Amadi. Both boys as they strolled back to their various homes as the sun set realised that they had so much in common. They were both educated but could not further their aspirations as the grip of poverty was too strong to let go off. Brother Jonathan was sat in the living area with Nonye. His hand was over her shoulder as they both watched the news broadcast as Chidi walked in. “My boy! I see you have feasted your eyes at your new home. Hope you like it. I saw you with Ignatius as I was on my way home. Good boy that one always doing justice to my tyres!” Jonathan joked. Nonye’s eyes were still fixed at the television but Chidi knew that her mind was not in what Tokunbo Ajayi was broadcasting. “I was looking around the area. It is much better than the village oh. Brother I am very tired you know and the night is already here I think I just want to go and lie down.” Chidi yawned stretching. “Ah ok oh. My boy sleep well, tomorrow awaits us. Nonye, Chidi anamago oh (is going to bed)”. Nonye quickly looked at Chidi, her movements still being closely observed by Chidi. “Sleep well Chidi. Goodnight” As he rolled out his mat on the floor, Chidi thought about his day. A new life awaited him and his future was nothing but a reach away. He thought about Amara and how they used to sit at the front of the stream every night talking about their hopes and dreams. That night he dreamt of himself as a successful merchant driving a big car home to his wife. As he opened the door his “wife” approached him to embrace him. She wasn’t Amara.

Sunset Across The Niger (Chapter 8)

Sunday morning. Amadi had packed his bag the night before and before dropping the bombshell that he was leaving the village with Chidi but going to Abuja to start a new life with the help of his friend. Musa a former houseboy was now a self made man. “If he could do it then why can’t I?” He used his hand to smoothen his moustache and little beard he kept underneath his chin. This was no longer the little boy Mr. Theophilus accused of stealing amounts of money from. This was a young man about to pave a path to success for himself in a new city. He buttoned his shirt up and then tucked them into his brand new trousers he picked up from the market. He didn’t have enough money to buy a good pair of shoes so he bought himself black trainers. “It’s not as if I am going to work in NNPC” he joked to himself. When he was packed and ready he looked outside his window and saw that his little step brothers and sisters were all up and were on getting ready to go to the stream with Anulika, their father’s youngest wife. He went out to them. “Chidi would you bring us Onitsha biscuits when you come back and Amadi can you please bring us nice shoes and a ball and Nnenna says she wants a dolly baby” The children asked expectantly from the brothers. “Of course I will and when I have made plenty of money I will come back to get all of you” Amadi said smiling at the children he looked above Nnenna and saw her mother Anulika she was smiling and Amadi sometimes wondered to himself if she fancied him even though he was 2 years younger than her and her stepson. He smiled back and patted each child on their head before giving them a 50 naira note. “Buy yourselves something with this” he realised how much he’ll miss them as he saw Chidi give them 50 naira too and give them a hug. He walked to Anulika “Take care of yourself me and Chidi are off to the station its 9 o’clock already and I don’t want Chidi to miss the bus eh.” “Ijeoma oh (safe journey) remember to take care of yourself and don’t go and follow Nwunye Hausa or become an Alhaji” she joked. He grabbed his bag and waited for Chidi to say his goodbyes. As the brothers set off each took a last look at their father’s home knowing that as they turned away even though going different directions, they were off to a better life. A life that they were both privileged to have. A life that could change other lives forever. This life awaited them and all they needed to do was reach to grab it and never let it slip. “Nna I am so excited oh, I can’t wait to get to Abuja and see Musa it has been so long and he is even married now.” Amadi said patting Chidi in a playful way. “So how long are you planning on staying with them for? I mean you will have to find your own feet after a while won’t you?” His brother asked. “I plan on moving out by next month maybe to a one-bedroom flat or something”. As they approached the bus station, Amadi checked his watch. The time was 9.20 and he was just 3 minutes early to board his coach. He looked round as he saw women with their babies strapped to their backs with wrappers as they all tried to sell kola nuts to the people on the coaches. He also saw young boys pushing wheelbarrows that contained the luggage of people travelling. He made sure he absorbed everything from his hometown. “In 6 hours time I will be an Abuja boy!” He chuckled to himself. “Well bros I’m off oh. Safe Journey eh and I will send you a letter with a phone number you can reach me on as soon as I can eh. Be good oh!” He gave his brother a handshake, although he noticed his Chidi was looking all around as if he were expecting something important. He was going to ask him where Amara was but he felt it was best for Chidi that her name was not mentioned. The coach was a luxurious one. He made sure he saved up enough money to get a luxurious coach to Abuja. Inside where everyone was secure from the hot air outside, the air conditioner released waves of cool breeze so good that he wanted to fall asleep but he had made up his mind to try to be as awake as possible so he could pass everywhere he had heard about, from Ile Ife to Lokoja. From Enugu to Nya Nya. He looked out of his window towards his brother and saw Amara running to Chidi. Then he saw them hug each other very tightly and then Chidi got into a Bus. It all happened so quickly that he didn’t even realise that the coach was already moving slowly. As the coach pulled out of the station and onto the road, he could hear a man praying out loudly as people responded to his favours with loud shouts of Amen! He looked out to see what direction Chidi’s bus turned. It went opposite. As the coach accelerated, Amadi closed his eyes and thought about everything he was leaving and what he was going to meet. This was definitely a new start for him and he was willing to grab it with every breath he took. “Welcome to Abuja” Amadi saw the signs at every turn the bus took. This was much different to what he at left at Ukigwe. There were much more beautiful cars that crammed the road. Men in Kaftans and women in Hijabs walked up and down the street. As he tried to look into car windows as hard as he could, he noticed the way the drivers of the nice cars looked. They wore smarts suits and the women wore expensive laces. The sun was shining brightly and he could fill his heart leap with excitement as the coach turned into the Julius Berger Bus Station in Wuse. As he got off the bus he noticed Musa immediately and went over to him. Musa looked much more different that the boy he served with in Onitsha. He was much taller now and looked fair despite the weather he was in. He wore a pink shirt that was tucked into neatly ironed Beige khaki trousers. He had slippers on. Musa looked smart and respectable. Amadi secretly thanked God that he himself looked smart today. As he approached Musa he noticed that friendly smile his friend always had for him and even though they were from different tribes, Amadi sometimes referred to Musa as his brother. “Ahh! You got here just at the time I predicted. Brother long time no see! And once again welcome to Abuja!” Musa gave Amadi a warm and welcoming hug. “Thank you oh! This your weather is like the Sahara desert” Amadi joked. Musa led the way to where his car was parked. It was a Mercedes V Boot. Musa put Amadi’s bags at the back seats and then gestured Amadi to go to the front seat. As Amadi put on his seat belt, he felt proud. He was in a ‘big’ car. Musa got in and started the car. As they drove through the streets of Abuja, Amadi and Musa talked about their time at Onitsha and how Musa had made a fortune for himself after opening an Electronics shop. Musa lived in Wuse II, the rich district of Abuja. With 5 rooms and a big reception, Musa’s house was definitely the house for the rich Nigerian. Musa had a wife Halimat, who was as Amadi could tell by the way she spoke, a humble very educated woman. “So I finally get to meet the Amadi my Musa is always talking about!” She said giving him a hug as he entered their house. She then made sure Musa and Amadi sat at the table as she served them some Rice and Chicken stew. “Please I want you to see my house as your house because you are my brother from another mother” Musa joked. After they had finished eating, Amadi was shown his room. “My God! This is too much now!” Amadi said in joy. His room had a television, a soft king sized bed, and a wonderful view to the street leading to the Nicon Hilton Hotel and the Holy Trinity catholic church in Maitama. Amadi thanked his friend and wife and before he knew it he was fast asleep because he knew the next day he would begin working with Musa and hopefully making a better pavement for himself in life.

Sunset Across The Niger (Chapter 7)

It was 5.00 PM. The entrance of the Ukigwe Secondary School was packed with students who had just finished writing their exams. There was a lot excitement in the air, students asking each other what questions they had left out in the exam and how each person thought the exam was either Devil sent or God sent. Amara and her friend Dumebi talked about how the feeling in the exam hall was. “I saw Ukeje busy looking left and right and then up and down as if the answers were some where hidden in the air. That boy is never serious. He is just lucky that he is going to London after our exams to learn Business. His brother has money to waste” Dumebi joked. The girls both laughed but a hand on Amara’s shoulder caught their laughter short. “How did you find it?” Chidi asked her with an expectant smile. “Yeah, yeah…it….”she stammered. “Have you got something hot in your mouth or something?” He joked, “Yeah it was good” She wanted to say more but she couldn’t even look at him well. “Cool. I’m going to be at the stream this evening if you fancy a chat about last week, yeah?” Before she could even reply he had run off. She had a huge grin on her face at the thought of seeing him in the evening but she knew it wouldn’t be for long as they both had to study for their results the next day. “What happened last week?” Dumebi asked in a very inquisitive voice and also with that look on her face you get when someone asks you something but they already know the answer. The afternoon was long and Amara had been studying. In her heart she wished she could just make the time of the day change to evening. She felt like leaping out her skin when the clock hit 6.00. She quickly changed into a nice pink dress that had embroided laces at the end that seems like flowers but the originally white colour of the flowers had faded to a creamier colour. Then she made sure she dapped her neck and her wrists with some cheap perfume she had bought from Onitsha on her last visit. She put on her black slippers and left the house. The journey to the stream seemed quicker than it normally did for her, maybe it was the thought of being with Chidi alone after their last meeting that excited her. Whatever it was she couldn’t wait to b e close to him. As she walked she thought about how he had crept up to her. “See Dumebi I’ll see you later I need to rush off now but we’ll talk tomorrow yeah. Revise well you know tomorrow is our History Exam. Ok Bye Bye” She waved and hurried off as fast as she could. She could barely hear Amara saying Bye back but she really didn’t care. She just wanted to see Chidi that was all that mattered in her mind. She quickly put on her red polka dotted dress with a pair of ballet black shoes. She packed her hair in one bun but let some of the front down to look like a fringe. However it didn’t stay even after 3 hopeless attempts so she used a hair clip to hold it down. Then she sprinkled some of her perfumed talcum powder around her, as she loved the light fruity smell it had, she put on a watch and set out to the stream. There was something different about the night, the sky was dark blue almost black, and the breeze was not cool and refreshing, rather it felt like ice blocks were been thrown in the air. She left the house in a hurry and didn’t even notice her mother reminding her to be home by at most 8.00. The journey towards the stream tonight felt different. Gone were the nice cool breezes that blew her hair slightly backwards. Gone were the cricket noises that always sounded beautiful to her. Tonight they sounded angry and as she approached the stream the voices of the crickets got louder and louder. She tripped on a stone and her feet hurt a lot. “A bad omen” she thought carrying on until she noticed Chidi’s built structure and increased her pace. “Hey” She muttered a when Chidi turned to her. He had a big smile on his face but she couldn’t smile back. “I thought you weren’t going to come. I’ve had a wonderful day and as the evening approached I felt much happier. Do you want some akara? I wrapped it in paper today” he stretched out the newspaper, which looked steamy from the hot bean balls in them. “No… I just ate” She lied. “So Chidi what exactly happened the other night. I came back and didn’t see you. You just left me, made me cry you you..”She spoke and didn’t notice her voice getting louder “Shut up! Just shut up! You seem to make this all about you! You just ran off without letting me explain and even as I called you back you didn’t even care to stop. How on earth could you expect to meet me here when you came back? Eh! What do you take me for? Its not only your heart that could hurt mine could too! They both stood facing each other directly. Chidi’s eyes burned with a kind of anger Amara had never seen before and so they were quiet. So quiet and it felt that the world was quiet with them too and that the sound of a pin dropping in the sand would be deafening. “I don’t know. I just don’t know” she said repeatedly she couldn’t look at his face and so she looked at their feet and searched for words but they never seemed to come to her. Finally with a courage she plucked she asked that question they had never asked. A question so obvious but so lost. “I am Osu. How will we ever work?” She knew it could work though as they were both leaving the village. No one had to know. It could be their little secret but she wanted different things. She wanted a career for herself first, and then she wanted a house before a man. “Amara remember you always said there’ll be a way and if it seems like one then you just create one. We could create one. I want to but..” He lifted her face that was still gazed at the ground and the feel of his hand sent tingles all over her skin. “But I don’t think you want to. If it is about you being an Osu you know I don’t mind and.” He paused as if to block something “and if you think we won’t work can we at least remain friends. I am leaving for Onitsha on Sunday. How about you come to the bus station with me or I’ll see you there before I board? She didn’t answer. She wanted to say yes but she couldn’t. “I’ll see you Amara. I am leaving by 9.30 and if I don’t see you by then, well I’ll err understand. Bye” He walked off back home or wherever it was that he was going too. She whispered “bye” but knew he couldn’t hear her. She started back home. “I will go and see him but I can’t be with Chidi I have to sort my life out and its not as if our families will be happy seeing us together. I’m only doing this for me and him.” She reassured herself. She was not crying, she had a guilty pleasure seeing Chidi telling her he was willing to make them work. She grinned to herself, she loved him, and she knew she did and hoped the best for him but she was not ready for a relationship with him. “If we are meant to be together then fate will bring us together” There was something different about the air it just seemed to get colder and colder as she got home and the leaves bowed as she walked past each little leaf.

Sunset Across The Niger (Chapter 6)

Chidi sat looking into the stars. He felt really stupid and rejected. He wondered why he even said anything to Amara. “Just look out how she ran away eh as if I was going to bite her. I shouldn’t have wasted my time. Oh my god, eh what is this? What is all this? Ah!” He thought to himself what life would be like if only Amara had said she loved him back. He could imagine them leaving the village, getting married, having kids and just being happy not caring about what people thought or said. He felt let down, betrayed by the girl he loved so dearly. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t every time he felt a tear he quickly thought about Onitsha, maybe Amara wasn’t right for him. Maybe they were just supposed to be friends and nothing more, maybe he would meet someone better than her, but he couldn’t think of anyone who could ever even be an inch better. “Why did she run? Have I scared her or was I too forward? Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I hope I haven’t hurt her. I shouldn’t have walked away. I should have just stayed and talked things over with her. I hope I can sort this by tomorrow, I can’t lose her, not now not ever!” He lay down watching the stars, he wished he didn’t walk away, maybe she would have admitted to being in love with her. Maybe she loved him but was scared of what the villager would say. “She shouldn’t be. No one would have to know” He felt like just going to her house to talk to her. To hold her at least see her. He felt sick, wanted to throw up but he was scared his heart would come out if he did. For once in his life Chidi felt like a little child and all he wanted was a comforting hug from someone who cared and understood how he felt. The weather temperature deteriorated and he got up dusted his behind and started home. “Where have you been eh? I thought you had run away with that girl” His brother joked. Chidi didn’t want to tell Amadi about what had happened that night. He knew that Amadi wouldn’t hesitate to insult Amara. “I was just with Okoye and Ukeje. I’m very tired I think I’ll just go to sleep” He walked away quickly even though he could see that Amadi wanted to say something back. His brother sensed his heavy heart and he knew it. In his room he took of his shirt and lay on his mat. It was one of those evening when the mosquitoes decided to feed on the blood of as many people that didn’t have nets as possible. His night was preoccupied with so much thoughts of Amara that he sometimes forgot to hit the mosquitoes that perched on his torso from time to time. “I won’t even talk about it to her again. I just look forward to Onitsha and what is has to offer me”. In his heart he was hoping that Amara would just apologize for her reaction to him earlier that evening. Then he would forgive her and maybe they could even have a future together. If she didn’t then when he went to Onitsha he would forget her. Completely. It was Monday morning. Chidi had spent the weekend studying hard for his first exam today. Mathematics was his favourite subject. He sometimes joked that every Igbo person was a master of mathematics in his or her own way. He hadn’t seen Amara since their little encounter and he knew he might not see her today. She was probably worried about her own exams as she wasn’t very good at maths. He had helped her study for time to time and hoped she would at least be able to get a C grade or her parents would be very disappointed. He put on his white shirt, his pens were neatly arranged at the pocket and his trouser was ironed with two sharp lines in the front. He called them “gatos”. He didn’t need to carry any books to school as it was against the school rules to have books in school during the exam. He combed his hair and brushed his little beard that was appearing under his chin. These were his final exams and he remembered how his mother had gotten him ready on his first day in secondary school. Now his was a young man about to leave the village for a new life in the big city, but first he had to get his exams done. His shoes were polished and he made sure he had a pair of socks he had washed for this day on. He would look his best. He stepped out of the house and headed for school. “Chidi! Chidi! Bros stop now abi is it not the same exam that we are going to write today? Chai! You are looking so fresh today oh!” Ukeje forever looking scruffy complimented Chidi. “Have you revised?” Ukeje asked with a look in his eye as if he hoped that Chidi didn’t revise. “Trust now! Bros I don’t mess with my maths oh talk less of my education. You look like you didn’t revise. Ah! You didn’t. Your mother will kill you this boy!” Chidi laughed. He was tired of always begging Ukeje to study. Ukeje was lucky anyway because even if he studied or not, his brother Jonah was going to take him to London after their SSCE’s to do a course in Business. “Oh boy! I don’t care by this time next year I am going to be a London Boy!” Ukeje joked and raised his collar up. “Chidi!” Chidi heard someone call his name. He knew it was Amara but he didn’t want his mind weighed down by her. He wanted to just go into his exam hall and write his paper. He quickly moved into a group of students and saw her walk up to a group of girls she hung around with. The bell rang. Time for everyone to go in and do their best to pass. Chidi felt a rush through him. Almost like a spark of electricity. He went into the hall and took his seat. Looking round he saw some people praying. “Heaven helps those who help themselves. Like if God is going to come down and help you now” He joked to himself. The bell rang again. The invigilator came in “It is now 9.00 AM, your paper ends at 10.30 AM. You can begin writing. Good Luck”.

Sunset Across The Niger (Chapter 5)

Amara was dressed in her finest dress today and she also had fixed her hair properly and had a single rose attached near her ear. She was just reading a poem when she saw Chidi running towards her with a big smile on his face. She wondered what it was that made him look so happy this afternoon. A part of her mind hoped that his father had been able to provide a means for him to go to Lagos. “I was just coming to your…Ah ah what is all this lovely dressing today. You are looking extra special oh.” Chidi said looking at her. “How come you are not at home? I was just about coming to your house,” He asked. “Eh I just wanted to sit by the road. I like the weather today it feels so positive. Do you want one of my flowers?” She gave him a flower and then he fixed it by his ear and pounced round like a girl. They both laughed but Amara’s voice was louder. “So what is it that is making you so happy this afternoon?” she asked. “Eh you will not believe it. I am going to Onitsha next week Sunday. Brother John says he will sponsor my education and in return I will help him run his shop. Nnem you don’t know how happy I am feeling and I thought I should share my joy with you.” Amara was shocked. “This Sunday? Why so soon?” She looked at Chidi. Shocked but her heart melted because he looked so happy. “At least he will be able to leave this village,” she thought. “I am going to miss you oh. Don’t forget me when you get to Onitsha” She gave him a hug that lasted for about a minute. She wanted to kiss him but she felt that it wasn’t right. Plus he didn’t make a move, which meant he didn’t want to kiss her. Her eyes were burning with tears. “Ah see this big girl crying I haven’t gone yet” he joked. She was going to miss his jokes but then like he said he wasn’t gone yet. “Do you want to get some biscuits? I feel like taking something sweet. I’ll buy you one even though you haven’t bought any for me you stingy boy.” They both went to the market. During the journey they didn’t say much to each other. Amara felt like she was crying on the inside. She didn’t want him to know how sad she felt about him leaving. She also felt like him leaving meant that they might never see each other again. She was going to Lagos and didn’t have any plans of coming back to the village. Although she couldn’t bear the thought of not being with him again she also understood that she needed to make a future for herself. Somewhere away from the village. Away from the smirk looks she got from the girls in her school. She also felt a hope. Her mother always said to her “If 2 people are destined to be together then they will meet again one day if they are ever separated.” They were at the stream. Chidi putting the biscuit crumbs all over his hair and acting as if he had dandruff much to Amara’s amusement. “You know something Amara?” He didn’t give her a chance to answer the question “I will miss you so much you don’t know. Its times like this I haven’t shared with anyone. I love you Amara from the bottom of my heart. I really do.” He stopped as if he expected her to say something back but she kept quiet. “Please say something. Anything. Amara” She just looked at him in shock. She wanted to say so much but she didn’t know where to start. “Chidi I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow” She quickly got up and ran off. She could hear him calling her to come back wand she wanted to but she was scared. She was scared of her feelings for him. She kept saying in her head “Forgive me Chidi, Forgive me”. She ran till his voice calling her name constantly faded away. When she was sure she was far from him all she felt strange. She wanted to cry but she couldn’t. How was she going to ever face him again? Lots of questions went round her head as if it were a merry-go –round. “I have to go back to him. What have I done? I mean I love him, or do I? I do. Oh God please let him still be there?” She ran back to the stream. She could see his shadow from a distance. The more she saw him the faster she ran towards him. He just stood there with a look of extreme shock in his face. She threw her hands round him and kissed his neck but he didn’t respond. “Amara?” That was all he said. He stepped back and walked away. In a state of total awe and shock, Amara couldn’t decide what to do. Her emotions were in a mess. She had just missed the one true chance to admit her feelings to Chidi but she was secretly pleased in her heart that Chidi loved her. She would see him tomorrow. She had to; it was a chance for her to let her feelings out at least before he left the village. She went home. She stared out the window in her room as she prepared to lie in bed. She try to recreate what had happened earlier on in the evening only that she reacted differently. She admitted she loved him and kissed him. They went swimming together in the ocean and she let the waves in the water run through her newly relaxed hair. They hugged and kissed by the moonlight and told each other how much they cared about each other. But she was dreaming. It wasn’t real, just a fiction in her imagination. As she lay in her bed, all she could think about was Chidi, what he said to her and the way she felt that moment. She wanted to be with him but she knew that the boundaries of society would not permit it. She wished he could go to Lagos rather than Onitsha, she felt that Lagos was more modern than Ukigwe but she didn’t want to seem selfish. She blanked the thought out of her head. Closing her eyes she tried to re enact the events of that evening but it was all in vein, all she saw when she shut her eyes was the darkness of her eyelids. “Is he thinking of me? Does he hate me? Oh God please don’t let him hate me?” She was crying but in a soft way almost as if she cried out all of her feelings. Drowsed and tired of her own tears she fell asleep.

Sunset Across The Niger (Chapter 4)

Amadi sat in his room. The cockerel had crowed for about 4 times yet he had not arisen from his bed. He thought about where his life was going. At 19 he didn’t even have a 1st School Leaving Certificate, which was the lowest proof education. He felt sad but he never liked to show his emotions. Sometimes whenever he felt like crying he would hit himself over the head to avoid the tears, it was as if he was afraid of emotions. His younger brother Chidi had always called him Okonkwo whenever they joked. This was because Okonkwo, a man from ‘Things Fall Apart’ never showed emotions. Amadi had a lot of similarities with Okonkwo. He did things briskly and was obsessed with looking out for his family. He came out of his hut, Chidi was waiting for him. “Ah Amadi I have been waiting for you to wake up. I want you to follow me to Brother John’s house to beg him to take me to Onitsha.” Amadi looked at his brother for a second as if to say “Do you really need me to come to John’s house with you?” “Eh okay just wait let me go and put on my shirt and then we will go there eh” Amadi went into his hut and put on his best shirt and a pair of trousers. “Oya lets go”. They brothers talked about their futures as they walked. Amadi admired the way his brother was enthusiastic about leaving the village. At least his brother was not one of the ‘efulefus’ (useless people) in the village. Amadi too planned to leave the village and go to Abuja. He would tell Chidi when the finished from John’s house. John was outside his house peeling yams when he saw Amadi and Chidi. “Ah my brothers you people have remembered me today hey!”The all hugged and John brought out a bench for them from his house. When they had all sat down, Amadi spoke. “John, you know my brother Chidi very well so I guess I will not need to explain a lot about him. There is no need to beat around the bush so I will tell you our mission here. Chidi is finishing school in a matter of 2 weeks and you know my family eh” Amadi paused and chuckled, they all laughed “As I was saying eh you know my family is big and my father will not be able to send Chidi to university. I want to ask you if you can please take him with you to Onitsha when you are going eh and please assist him with university. In return he will work for you in you shop eh and you know my brother is a very hardworking boy. He will work well and he is also very honest so your money is safe eh?” They all laughed again as if it was an organised laugh but Johns laugh was the loudest. John then cleared his throat “Amadi I have heard you. Chidi is like a younger brother to me and I am willing to help him any possible way I can. I will take him to Onitsha with me and if it is about university you are worried about don’t worry. My girlfriend’s brother is a Professor in Nnamdi Azikiwe University so I will speak to him. But my business is important to me. Chidi it is in front of your brother I am begging you oh please I do not tolerate stealing or anybody trying to 419 me in my business eh. I trust you anyway so it will be easy for us. So don’t worry eh” Chidi went on his knees and thanked John. Amadi was happy, he felt that he had helped his brother in a big way and wore a big smile on his face. “So John when are you leaving?” John coughed loudly “Well I will be leaving the village next week Sunday. If it is his results he wants to collect then he will come back to they village to collect them or will it take 5 years to collect?” John said laughing “Eh he will come back for them” Amadi rose from his chair “Well John thank you so much for today. We have to be going now so I can tell my father the good news. May God continue to bless you everyday as you rise and every night as you lay in your bed” “Amen!” John and Chidi responded to Amadi’s prayer. The two brothers then left John’s house and journeyed back home. Amadi was very happy for his brother; Chidi took his steps really fast almost as if he was running. “My brother I am so happy for you oh. Before I forget I want to tell you that I am going to be leaving the village this Tuesday for Abuja. You know when I was living with Mr Theophilus, our neighbour’s houseboy Musa and I were quite close. I bumped into him the other day when I was in Onitsha and he gave me his address and suggested I come and stay with him in Abuja. There is nothing for me in this village to wait for so I think I will go to Abuja and at least start a small business. I wanted to tell you this morning but I thought we should sort you out with John so that you and me can explain all to Papa tonight. So what do you think?” Amadi said and looked at his brother with an eye that begged to agree. “This is great news brother at least now I wont feel so bad about leaving you behind alone in this village. Just don’t go to Abuja to start eating their Tuwo Geda, I heard it makes you fart a lot. The brothers laughed in uniform. Amadi had a warm feeling in his heart. “I hope papa will not say we are running away from him oh, anyway I am sure he will be happy for us.” When they got back to their compound, the kids were chasing Koki the goat. Sometimes Amadi wondered how the goat felt about being chased every day. Wasn’t she stressed, by the size of her belly Amadi wondered how the goat had the energy to run every time. Maybe she was running for the fear of being slaughtered for a get together. Their father was sitting outside his room when the brothers went to him. “Papa how are you? Looks like you are trying to relax I hope we are not disturbing you?” Amadi asked. “Ah my boy you are not. You and Chidi look very well today as if you have just found a pot of Gold. Do you want to share your joy with me?” Mazi Nduka then gestured his sons to come into his room. He sat on his bed while Amadi and his brother sat on a mat. Amadi then cleared his throat and spoke “Papa I just wanted to inform you that I will be leaving the village on Tuesday. You know things have not been working well for me here and my friend Musa has invited me to come and stay with him in Abuja and start a business. I don’t want you to think that I am leaving you all alone in the village but I want you to realise that this is for the best in the family. Also Chidi and me went to see John earlier today and he has agreed to take Chidi to Onitsha with him next week Sunday. He has also agreed to sponsor Chidi through University and in return Chidi will assist him in his shop. We came to ask for your blessing and also your opinion but I think I speak for us both when I say we are very happy about the situation.” Amadi thought that his father would immediately stand up and start shouting that his sons were leaving him but when he looked into his father’s eyes he noticed something. His father’s eyes were welling up but he was smiling. Mazi Nduka cleared his throat. “My children you don’t know how happy I feel right now. I spent the last few days worrying about your future but I am so proud that I have sons who are ready to get up and sort themselves out. May God continue to bless you forever and ever oh. Chidi I know you will make me proud. Obey John. Never do anything that will annoy him and most of all be honest with him. Amadi my son you have always made me proud in whatever you do. When you get to Abuja never forget why you are there. Grab every opportunity that comes your way and always remember your family is proud of you. The brothers then knelt down while their father placed his hands each on their heads and said a prayer for them. Amadi noticed how his father’s voice broke in between then will take a deep breath and keep praying. Amadi’s nose felt hot. He wanted to cry, and he could even feel his eyes welling up. “No I won’t cry now. It won’t make a difference whether I cry or not. Be strong Amadi, be strong,” he thought in his head. When the prayer was over both brothers left their father’s room. “Amadi I am just going to rush to see Amara. I need to discuss this movement with her” Chidi said. “Why! Is it her business? This boy you need to spend less time with that girl oh. Anyway I’m going to go to the square this evening. You coming?” Amadi asked his brother. “No I will be busy I’ll see later or tomorrow eh. Ngwa bye bye oh!” Chidi ran off. Literally. Amadi shrugged his shoulders and headed off to Obinna’s house. On his way he wondered, “What does that boy see in Amara eh? My brother is too good for an Osu girl. I think she is doing something to him if not why would such a well-educated fine young man keep going to see an outcast every day. Well whatever she has given him will not work. Tufia! It will not work. Chidi! Chidi open your eyes oh before it’s too late.”